He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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