Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
