you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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