If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
