I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
