I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
