You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
