Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
