in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize