I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize