So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
