U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
