youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
