The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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