that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
