She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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