Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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