What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
