sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
