if you like me you must not know who I am
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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