ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize