Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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