I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
