Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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