so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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