Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
