I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
