i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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