Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
