haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
