I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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