make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
