Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
