I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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