I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
