Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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