at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
