well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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