he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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