He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
