Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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