so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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