you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
