do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
