i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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