So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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