dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
