I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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