My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
