New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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