period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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