I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
