My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
