just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
