i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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