Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
