hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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