$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
