brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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