I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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