in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
