Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
